Confessions of a Fashionista

2007-02-19T20:45:00.000-08:00

I heard this from a friend the other day and it just really hit me. I feel like this is very valuable advice to people who are single and people who are dating. So here it is!

To quote Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend:

People who are good for you are going to have a threefold effect over time:

1. You end up closer to God. This person does not take you away from God. This does not mean that he seems himself as a spiritual giant. It means that he shows you more of who God is – God’s love and God’s nature – as a result of your relationship. He lives God’s ways, and you can experience God together.

2. You end up closer to others. You are a more relational person and grow in your capacity to relate to others. You trust more, not less. You are more open, not shut down or kidnapped to just this relationship. You have grown in your relational capacities as a fruit of being with this person.

3. You become more of yourself. Instead of a person causing you to lose parts of yourself to be around her, the relationship helps you find more of who God created you to be. You expand, grow, stretch, and become a better and more whole “you,” not less of you.

So, hold on to your heart in dating. Learn, experience, and have fun. Only give your heart to someone who deserves it. It is a precious commodity. As Jesus, says, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs” (Matt. 7:6) They will trample your treasures under their feet.
Good people do the opposite. They are a “safe deposit box” for the treasures of your heart. Only store them there, with good characters to whom you can trust your treasures. If you do that, not only will your treasures be safe, but their value will grow. That is the person you are looking for, the one to whom you can give your heart.

Courage to Encourage

2007-02-15T13:07:00.000-08:00

Life Rule #5 “The Courage to Encourage”- By Andy Stanley

· Life Rule: If you see a friend that is about do something really stupid it becomes your business
· Society Rule #1: Mind your own business
· Society Rule #2: When you see a friend about to make a bad decision talk about them. Christians will sometimes call this “Prayer Request”
· “Don’t anybody talk to Frank, we will just talk about his situation and pray for him”
· You have the potential to head someone off at the pass and save them from a decision they could regret for the rest of their life.
· Hebrews 3:12-13 “See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called TODAY, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
· God sees us not as individuals, but as a community therefore we are accountable to each other.
· Sinful, Unbelieving Heart= There is a sequence to a drifting heart
· We stop behaving before we stop believing.
· People will think their experience is unique and it’s not it is a pattern of the World.
· Deceitfulness of Sin means we think we can control the outcome
· “Oh me and God our just at odds right now that’s why I am acting this way and separating myself from God and from the church but I wont stop believing” But that’s road we are on!
· Encourage One Another =Appeal, Beg, Urge, and Exhort
· Not about Praying it’s about Saying!
· Excuses to not engage
#1 Its awkward-> It will always be awkward when approaching someone about their life!
#2 My life is not perfect with God, I am not Perfect-> NO ONE on this earth on their own merit can talk, that is why we are assigned by God to reach out!
· If you are praying or talking about them, you better be talking to them!
· 2 Questions we should ask
#1-> Who do I know that has started down that path, who have I prayed for or talked about?
~You don’t know what they are praying about, they could be asking God to let them know if it is not in His will.
#2-> Who in my circle of friends feels empowered to come rushing in if they see me drifting?
· Christianity was not designed to be Private!

Runaway Love

2007-02-01T12:33:00.000-08:00

Runaway love

Now little lisa is only 9 years old

Shes tryin to figure out why the world is so cold

Why shes all all alone and they never met her family

Mamas always gone and she never met her daddy

Part of her is missin and nobody will listenin

Mama is on drugs gettin high up in the kitchen

Bringin home men at different hours of the night

Startin with laughs--usually endin in a fight

Sneak into her room while her mamas knocked out

Tryin to have his way and little lisa says 'ouch'

She tries to resist but then all he does is beat her

Tries to tell her mom but her mama don't believe her

Lisa is stuck up in the world on her own

Forced to think that hell is a place called home

Nothin else to do but some get some clothes and pack

She says shes bout to run away and never come back.

Runaway love [x8]

Little nicole is only 10 years old

Shes steady tryin to figure why the world is so cold

Why shes not pretty and nobody seems to like her

Alcoholic step dad always wanna strike her

Yells and abuses, leaves her with some bruises

Teachers ask questions she makin up excuses

Bleedin on the inside, cryin on the out

Its only one girl really knows what she about

Her name is lil stacy and they become friends

Promise that they always be tight til the end

Until one day lil stacy gets shot

A drive by bullet went stray up on her block

Now nicole stuck up in the world on her own

Forced to think that hell is a place called home

Nothin else to do but some get some clothes and pack

She says shes bout to run away and never come back.

Runaway love [x8]

Little erica is eleven years old

Shes steady tryin to figure why the world is so cold

So she pops x to get rid of all the pain

Cause shes havin sex with a boy whos sixteen

Emotions run deep and she thinks shes in love

So theres no protection hes usin no glove

Never thinkin bout the consequences of her actions

Livin for today and not tomorrows satisfaction

The days go by and her belly gets big

The father bails out he aint ready for a kid

Knowin her mama will blow it all outta proportion

Plus she lives poor so no money for abortion

Erica is stuck up in the world on her own

Forced to think that hell is a place called home

Nothin else to do but get her clothes and pack

She say shes about to run away and never come back.

Runaway love

*Ludacris and Mary J Blige*Check out the Video *

The other day I was getting a pedicure. There was two women in getting their nails done...it was pretty late so it was just us three in the spa. They had families waiting outside for them to finish up. I was bored so I just started to observe the situation. The one woman had a black eye and the other looked like she had had a rough day (which is probably why they were at the nail place becuase thats where women go when things arent going their way lol). Well the woman that had the black eye had this little boy who kept coming into the spa and checking out the progress on his moms nails. I thought to my self "awww how cute he is fasinated by nails...a boy after my own heart!" Well I guess mom did not think that was as cute as I did because each time he came in she would yell and scream and smack this kid on the head. I have no idea what there situation is, but I did start to wonder "Man if this lady can do that in public what does she do in private." The situation just started to make me really sad. Im not a parent so I cant really say how I would act. But I want to believe that I wouldnt treat my child like that..while I do believe in discipline I dont believe in roughing the kids up. So its been a few weeks since I encountered this situation. I heard this song and it made me really think about what kind of world some kids live in and how they are running. Some are not treated and valued the way they should be. Some are beaten and abused by the people that are supposed to support and love them. Some live in broken homes. Some dont have a home at all. I came from a broken home, I remember what it was like and what issues my sister and I still deal with. I cant imagine what others go though and what kind of scars they have.....it makes me really sad. BUT I also know that there is a God who loves them and that gives me a sense of hope. It also gives me a drive to make sure the people in my life (especially the younger ones) know that they are loved and that an unconditional love is out there no matter what experiences they have had previously.

The Heart of God

2007-01-29T09:37:00.000-08:00

One of my dear friends Jeanna posted a thought the other day that really struck a cord with me. She talked about losing her watch and then paralleled it to how God feels when he has a "lost child." This made so much sense to me. A while back I had lost a necklace that my grandparents gave me. I had a freak out session when I found it was missing from my possession. It was one of the moments when the room starts to get a bit warm, your blood pressure rises, and your head is racing a hundred miles an hour. I was calling my mom, my dad, my sister asking them all to join in the search and help me find the necklace. I know this sounds a bit over the top and it might have been, BUT the necklace had a lot of sentimental value. My grandpa gave it to me on my birthday soon after my cat Rambo died. Rambo was a childhood friend and a part of the family that I grew up with, so it was extremely traumatic when he passed. Anyways the story goes on in that I was the only one that frantically looked for the necklace, my family did not feel the same sense of urgency that I did. I was really disappointed in this. And when I was reading Jeanna's blog I thought about my situation and how no one would help find what was valuable to me. And to add to Jeanna's idea...I know that God considers each of us his greatest treasure. He loves each of us and we are extremely valuable to him. I cant comprehend how mine and Jeanna's situation must be amplified. And how disappointed He must be when the children that aren't lost don't help him find the others. In this I am saying that there are many of hurting and broken people in the world. And God has asked anyone who knows Him to help "seek and save the lost". What happens when we ignore that call or push it to the back burner. I know I have been guilty of it. There has been people in my life that God has put on my heart and because of selfish reasons I have not reached out. I have had several people lately that have been weighing on my heart and this analogy inspires me to reach out to them. God wants us to be a good steward not only of our time and money but also of our relationships. Bottom line is that I hope when each one of God's children is asked to reach out and help, we don't ignore God. I hope we are a good friend to our neighbor, the sick, the hungry, the hurting, and the broken. When we do this "our hearts will start beating like God's."

Alot like Eve

2006-11-15T10:39:00.000-08:00

The passages where Eve is enticed by the unknown and the serpent have become all too real for me lately.

In Genesis Chapter 2:16-17 God commanded the Man, "You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don't eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you're dead." The Woman said to the serpent, "Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It's only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, 'Don't eat from it; don't even touch it or you'll die.'"
And then in Chapter three the serpent came along and tempted Eve
4-5 The serpent told the Woman, "You won't die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you'll see what's really going on. You'll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil."
6 When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she'd know everything!—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate.

Now I have read these verses before. I have heard them over and over again. But last night these verses had a whole new life for me. You see God set up boundaries for Eve, for you, for me. He set up those boundries to help protect us and protect our hearts. But like Eve I think there is something inside every woman (or man for that matter) that is so inticed by what they cant have. We want to constantly test the boundries God has. Even though in the long run it can really hurt us. Eve was sooo intrigued by that tree that she disreguarded God's commandment to her without even considering the long term affects of her actions. I know that mankind is prone to sin, but Eve's story has just become soo real for me. God has set up boundaries for my life and I know where the line is drawn. I will dance around this line because what I cant have, has always been so tempting for me. I always want what I cannot have. Its hard to believe that I would want something that I know is not good for me. BUT I did....I still do. This time I danced a little too close. I put my heart into something that I know isnt right for me and now my heart hurts because of it. I was warned by friends and by God. I chose to ignore both. I cant really expand on this too much but right now Im just feeling a little lost, a little let down, confused, and the list goes on. Even though I am feeling these things and I know for sure God doesnt want this for me....and I still want what I cant have. It makes no sense. But at the same time it does especially after reading Eve's story. I know God is going to work through this situation in my life. I think this could be a lesson in letting go. Letting go can be a really hard thing to do because its something you have to totally give up to God and just have faith that everything will be ok. I need to trust that God has a bigger and better plan for my life.

TRES

2006-11-03T19:13:00.000-08:00

Three things

Three things that scare me
1. Sometimes I scare me lol
2. FAILURE...ooo thats a biggie
3.Bringing Dishonor to Christ

Three people who make me laugh
1. Ryan-(B-ronk)
2. Laura...haha gots to love the randomness
3. My family-we are pretty much out of control

Three things that I love
1. GOD
2. Family and Friends
3. India

Three things that I hate
1. Critical/ Negative People..ok ok i dont hate them but it is agrivating
2.Getting out of bed when it is cold
3.Being too busy

Three things I dont understand
1. Boys ...I dont even try anymore lol
2.Why people know God and Turn their back on Him
3.Suicide

Three things I love in a Girl/Boy
1. Personality/ Sense of Humor
2. Smile
3.Sense of Style

Three ways to best describe my personality
1. Random
2. Easy going
3. Spaztic

Three things I cant do
1. Snowboard ...Im going to learn this season ...YAY!
2.Play music...I only wish I would be such a rockstar
3.Cook...lol I have no marketable skills

Three favorite movies
1.Wedding Crashers
2.Pirates of the Carribean
3.Pretty Woman or Beaches its a tie

Three goals for your future
1.Go to India again...maybe even live there..Who knows what God has instore
2.Be a sales rep for a high end clothing line
3. Adopt a baby from China and India

Three of your dumbest moments
1.Well I have one at least once every hour...im natually a blonde what can I say
2.more like an obnxious moment....THE BIG BLOWUP...never live that down
3.Drunk Dialing....glad those days are over

Three people im tagging:
1.Jeanna
2.Sarah B
3.Jen

Baptism Cont

2006-10-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

Indian Baptism

2006-10-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Judah is one of the women church planters we stayed with shes the right next her dad (he's a pastor). She was amazing. Shes 21 just like me!
This is just one of three women Judah led to Christ that got baptized that day!

2006-10-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

2006-10-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

2006-10-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

2006-10-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

Raj Speaking at the Bible League meeting (he is in charge of the Bible League for Southern India)
Prema, Clarina, and Aroma Getting Jeanna some Pomegrante
The Bible League Boys Playing Cricket
Watching Cricket

Pondicherry with Bible League

2006-10-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

A beautiful view as we walked to the conference center
Prema, Clarinda, and Aroma (Love these Women!!)
Me, Jennifer, Julie, Kim, Lanette, Shelley

FINALLY!

2006-10-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

So I pretty sure I have been home from India for over a month. No Pics no Nothing. Sorry! Life has been insane. I have been working tons and a couple days after I came home I went back to school. BUT the trip was way too amazing not to share. India ...where do I even start.....

THE AIRPORT! What an adventure that was....Our flight from Chicago to Paris left at 5pm. Jack(He heads up missions at GCC) had us at the church ready to go at 8. We were all like why in the world that early. Well heres why! Some how it got mixed up and we were assigned paper tickets instead of electronic. Which means either we put 15,o00 dollars on someone credit card and buy new ones OR Jack has to hunt down the old tickets and bring them to Chicago. Low and behold Jack finds the tickets and is on his way to Chicago. Well while we are all waiting the lady gets our bags checked to save us time. She was the sweetest ever! But time was running out she told we had to have the tickets in 5 min. or we wouldnt make our flight. SO the picture in the middle is our fearless leader Shelley standing outside waiting for our tickets to arrive and not a minute after the woman gave us our 5 min warning Jack throws the tickets at us and We are on our way! God has everything under control and he is with us from the start!

I love India

2006-08-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hello friends. So I am blogging from India right now. Pretty cool ...how many people can say that! I am learning so much over here . God is moving in amazing ways in this country. The people are so loving and so hospitable. The Christians are so committed to spreading Gods word and are very charismatic. The women are amazing I have so many cool stories to share!

Stories and Pics to come later!

Unga to Inge!!

God's Provisions

2006-04-24T13:40:00.000-07:00

"He has provisions that you know not of more than you can ask or imagine"
Mark said this on Thursday night and it was so real for me. Especially after the service that Rob delivered. Let me rewind back a little. Ok so a few months ago I was feeling very lost and far from God. It was like one day he was there and then when I looked back up he wasnt. Sometimes we drift and we dont even realize it until we are way far away. I was trying to find God again when he "showed up at my door" through a phone call. Jeanna called me and told me about a missions trip to India. And to my SUPRISE I havent stopped thinking about India and on August 13th I will be boarding a plane with nine other women to go minister to the women church planters! So I am very excited about this trip and I am totally on fire for God. I start praying all the time and persuing Him. For some reason something in the back of my mind was still not quite right. Despite all these cool things that were happening I for some reason felt like there was still a strange distance between me and God. Well this Thursday my manager gave me the day off so I could get some stuff done. I was so excited because I havent been to a Thursday serivce in forever! Some of you were there on Thursday and heard what Rob spoke about but for those who didnt Ill recap. He talked about the "Get outta Church Free Card" he said there was sometimes we all want to get out of church for one reason or another. The only place the Bible allows us to get out of church is in Matthew. "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Rob talked about how that grudge that we hold will keep us from having an authentic conversation with God. He talked about how a damaged relationship can be like a ruptured appendix ...you better to the hospital fast. I realized during that service exactly why I felt that distance and I knew what God wanted me to do. I went home that night and wrote an email that was long overdue. I never felt such a weight lifted off of me before. This grudge had been harding my heart and keeping me from what God had instore for me. I think the coolest thing about the whole situation that looking back I can see God's hand in this all along the way. Sometimes we think that God has distanced himself from us and just left us high and dry. This situation just taught me a vaulable lesson about God's activity in my life. We never know what God has instore for us. We just need to have the courage to press in and faith in Him. Because again like Beeson said "He has provisions that you know not of more than you could ask or imagine" I cant wait to see what else God has instore!

Confessions of a Heart on Fire

2006-03-22T09:08:00.000-08:00

I am so happy right now. I havent been this happy in a long time. I dont know that I would even use the word happy cause happiness can be temporary. Basically Friday night after a conversation that Jeanna and I had God poked on my heart. This week for the first time in a long time I can say that I am totally walking with God. He has set my heart on fire for Him. It is amazing how God can change our hearts. For so long I was holding on to bitterness, anger, disapointment, and all that yucky stuff. I knew I had to let it go and give it to God.....I just think it is so awesome that it transpired from a phone conversation. Its such a simple daily routine that we all have. I used to think that God works on you through great messages at great serivces or some big retreat. I never thought in a million years that God would reach me in this way. But it makes sense. I mean I think of the verse (im not sure which one it is or if im saying it correctly) "Where one or more are gathered in my name there I Am" Ne ways Im just so excited for God has in store for me. And "the fire is spreading" me and my sister(Liz)have been having great conversations about God and Life. I think Liz is thinking about going to Lifeline which is a giant leap for her. God is GOOD you guys !
P.S. Thanks Jeanna for thinking of me...I am praying for us!!!

Seriously?!

2006-03-06T08:53:00.000-08:00

OK so Seriously its snows 3 days after I get home what the heck!! BUT Florida was awesome (for those of u who didnt hear I got to visit my grandparents down in FL for a week!) I spent alot of time relaxing and laying out by the pool. Here is a run down of some of my favorite things/moments of the week!

1. Chatting with grandma
2. SUNSHINE
3. Magic Kingdom and getting stuck on splash mountain!
4. KOBE japanese steakhouse ....and the drunk lady who sat with us was pretty funny too!
5. Florida Mall....I love that place! (but i love any mall right?!)
6.Random..Unexpected phone calls
7.Dancing to the Johnny cash soundtrack
8.Entertainment/ Sundaes at the pool
9.PapPap getting me and him in trouble with security
10.Bahama Breeze
I will have pics coming soon!

My "Box" is Overflowing

2006-02-15T11:58:00.000-08:00

So the two big questions at church this weekend were "what do you want out of life?" and "what is in your box?" We all know that Jesus is supposed to be in our box. But is he really? I guess my personal answer to this is no. Sometimes I try to cram Him into my box with all my other junk but hehas been the dominant figure lately. I have ALOT of stuff going on in my life. School fulltime, Working almost fulltime, getting the girls small group back on track, and trying maintain all my realtionship between friends and family. After that I try to cram God into the box. God's pretty big and it seems to me that all that other stuff gets in the way. Knowing that God cant fit in with all my other stuff I guess the big question is ... What do I do? ....How do I put God in my box? I think for me it starts with a big thing called Time Management....sometimes I waste time and am not organized. Im also a big sucker to "hang out" when I have other stuff to do. These question were definately a big wake up call....I need to get my priorities in order.
Also two other questions that are very good to chew on are:
Whose yoke are you wearing?
Where do I need Jesus to teach me how to live?

2006-01-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

I am a little wired right now Im not going to lie..So what I write could be completely random! I got out of work last night at exactly 2 am! Then I went home to study unitl like 3:30 or so...then back up at 7:30 to study and get ready for school. As I was driving I decided it would be a fabulous time to get a Starbucks (peppermint mocha rawks!)...and needless to say now I am bouncing off the walls. Ne ways I thought I would give you all a few highlights from my long, crazy, and random night.

I arrive at work it was completely dead...so I wandered about the store aimlessly looking for a project
Bobby arrives and gives me and Dani his list of chuck norris facts.....like "Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris" and "When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris." http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty (I suggest you go they are kinda funny)
Me and Jamie go around the entire store putting scan bars on everything to prepare for inventory (seriously took like 5 hrs to do!!!)
Stephen and Sarah visit me ...Stephen model clothes...Secretly I think he really digs Buckle clothes and just doesnt know it yet!
Then I finish stickering
Count down drawers and drink way took much caffiene for my own good
As inventory is starting Bobby's mom brought us all freshly made chocolate chips cookie which were very yummy.
Adam Demeter Arrives ....Him + Bobby= craziness
By 12 am we were all so hopped on sugar and caffieene that we were quoting random movie lines(Jamie does the best Wedding Crasher imatation makes me giggle eveytime!) and listening to Bobby and Adam make fun of each other
I think my favorite line of the night was when Bobby shouts "Hey Demeter are you spending the night at my house my Mom wants to know!?" and there was just dead silence until everyone just started busting out laughing

Ok Im done ...I hope everyone has a fabulous day!

2006-01-24T09:09:00.000-08:00

Ok so I am doing soooo much better! I am actually really happy and excited. Whoopee! Friday night I got to hang out with my girls ..We had a blast watching "Wedding Crashers" (if u havent seen it I suggest you do). Then Sunday I had Starbucks with my friend Steph ( And Steph if you are reading this Im soo excited we are friends you are one amazing girl!), then I went to Amber's baby shower with Jeanna andTara(ok the baby shower totally afirmed my desire not to have children..although it was fun to pick out little clothes!), then I went to neveah and we talked about the 20 most annoying things about Christians. After neveah was over I stayed pretty late talking to Stephen and Todd just about life and all kinds of random things! Then Yesterday I took a couple first steps back in the RIGHT direction. I listened to the sermon from Sunday on my way to school, then when I got home I read the first like 6 Chapters of Gensis and then I spent sometime just talking to God! Ne ways Im really excited I can feel God moving and changing my heart already!Alright well I have to go study before I head to work (inventory yay!). Have a great day.
XOXO
Moi

Savin Me

2006-01-19T08:37:00.000-08:00

"Savin' Me"
Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin'
[CHORUS]Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin'
[CHORUS]
Hurry I'm fallin'
-Nickelback
I am totally resonating with this song right now. It all started yesterday(ok well maybe not yesterday ..it prolly started quite some time ago but read on you will understand)... I got through my first two classes and I was just so frusterated because I this is a hard semester. Sometimes Im not sure if I am supposed to be even getting a degree in business. So I was on my break between classes (feeling really fusterated and confused) and my friend Cheryl was like hey Lindz come to campus crusade for christ today we are doing a Bible study ...So I agreed and I went. Some of you know that I have big frustrations with this group and have a hard time going at times. So the Bible study started and we went through Acts and they talked about the Holy Spirit and how he nudges you and helps you minister to nonbelievers. Ok so as I am sitting there I am thinking...What the hell why do they talk in Christianese it pissses me off because no one in the group is frustrated or shows real emotion they are like little Christain Robots, then I was like Lindsey why are you saying this, your a bad person talking about Christians like that. Then the through ran through my head maybe I am jealous becuase Im not at their level.....So I left there even more confused than when I came because I didnt know why I was so frustrated and mad at this group. So I tried to read my Finance book for a while but just was having a hard time concentrating. Then I went to my last class. I had no idea what the teacher was talking about I was so lost, mad , and frustrated that I was seriously about to explode becuase my mind was racing so fast. I left the class got in my car and headed home. On my way home I was trying to listen to some music to just calm my nerves. But it was no help so I just turned the radio off and started to cry and scream at God. I was so mad at Him because I was lost and I felt that I had no purpose or direction. Everything has been falling apart and I just have no clue what I am doing. It felt good to just get it all out there on the table. So I went home still feeling really pissed off and started to try and get some of my homework done. I read for awhile (my book was making a little more sense at that time) and then I fell asleep pretty early. So I woke up this morning did my morning routine and then got in my car and turned on my Nickelback Cd and listened to this song. Now your asking what does this have to do with me?Well for me this song kinda represents someone who is a little lost and feels trapped...Someone who is crying out to God to show them the way.. I really didnt know how lost I was until yesterday I think I knew my feet were not quite in the right direction but didnt want to admit it. I can be a really good actor sometimes I think I even fool myself into believing that I am walking with God. I just want to tell you that I think I got off track a while ago. I havent had a real converstaiton with God in a long while. I pray for all of you cause I hate people who say they are praying for someone and dont really do it ..i think thats wrong...But I havent sat down and dealt with my own life in awhile. Last night I got real with God and just threw up my hands and said I cant do this anymore. And I think if God talk he would have said "well duh yea you cant do it...I can ...If you would talk to me and let me in maybe I could guide you" So this is where I am at today ...I talked to God on the way to school and just gave everything back to Him and made a promise that I would talk to him and turn around in the right direction. So I wanted to share this with you all so you can hold me accountable and know where I am at. Pray for me. I am not frustrated or pissed off anymore I have a divine peace that I am walking in the right direction with God and things will get better for me.

Hi my name is Lindsey and Im a Workaholic

2006-01-17T08:52:00.000-08:00

Ok so my friend Saulo and I goof around at work all the time. He jokes with me and I joke with him. Lots of fun. Well this Sunday we got on the subject of dating. One of my high school girls has been through some rough stuff with her BF of two years. So the three of us were chatting about it and some of our past relationships. We got on the subject of my past relationships and Saulo says in a joking matter well maybe if you didnt live at the Buckle you could maintain a realtionship. He was just like Linds you work and go to school and you dont do hardly ne thing else...he was like guys think you are losing interest if you dont make a little time for them. (Whether I belive that statement or not Im not sure) So this comment just made me think.....Am I really shutting people out of my life because I too busy? I havent come to a conclusion but it seems that lately I cant go to church or hang out with friends becuase im working or doing homework. Maybe thats a problem...maybe its not?

My Earth Angel

2006-01-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

I know I know the title of my post is a little strange (lol its actually a song ....I didnt get creative or ne thing). So it all started last night. I got home from work...had my daily phone chat with Jeanna.....then my father tells me that we (meaning me, dad, and carolyn) have to have a "chat". Why you ask? Well because she has once again eves dropped on my convo with someone. There are times when I will let out my frustration about my family situation with Jeanna or my grandparents over the phone or whatever. Ne ways apperantly dad sees this as me "running my mouth" or having a "tude". Ok well if u dont want me to vent to people then dont talk bad about my family, make fun of me, my friends, or my way of life...simple! Ne ways...I fell asleep before the convo could happen....so we have to talk tonight (please pray for me!!!!). This morning I woke up a little sick and frustrated over everything so I called my grandpa. I call my grandpa quite often and we chat on a regular basis..He always calms my nerves a bit and has good advice. (plus he simpathizes a bit which helps!) This morning I vented a little bit ...we discussed the situation. And he always will end the converstaion by reminding me that the only way he got through things is by praying and believing in God. Only this time he told me a little story about on of his construction workers that came into his office everyday. He came into grandpa's office and threw down his hat and said "You know what Walt?!" Grandpa answered "I dont know what?" The guy said" You know what I think. I think God is in the birds and in the trees and I think he's just everywhere." After telling me this Grandpa was like "Lindsey I think this is true....God is everywhere." He told me how he sees God everyday when he sees birds fly. This amazes grandpa. After chatting about this a while We ended our conversation and I just sensed God's presence. My grandpa has always been an example to me....He really treats people like Jesus did. I mean he has his stuggles but there are so many times when I cry because I dont come from a very "Christian home". Today for the first time it was very real to me that God placed grandpa there as an example and to help guide me on my journey with God. If no one else supports me and loves me .....I can count on God and Grandpa. Thats why I titled this my earth angel. I think God sent Grandpa as my angel on this earth to look out for me and guide me. Like I said I knew grandpa was an amazing Godly man before but today it was just so real. On a side note to my friends:
Thank you guys soooo much for always being there when I need someone to talk to. For praying for me when I need prayer. We are sooo different but I have never felt love like this in friendships before. This is a time in my life when I have been on a rollercoaster with everything and yet yall stick by me and love on me. I told Grandpa in my conversation with him that even though I dont get much support at home I have a group of friends from church that love me, pray for me, and support me in what I do. So I just want you all to know how much it means to me that you all are in my life! I love u soo much!!!!
Ok Im done......lol not sure if it makes much sense but I got it all out there.
XOXO
Moi

Back to school

2006-01-09T09:35:00.000-08:00

Ohhh boy....Im back at school! woot woot ! Im half excited and half dreading it. I have only had one class tho so....but I made it through which is a good thing. Im really pumped up cause I go to class and Tracy Decker is in my class and two guys that I suffered through commercial law with! So we have decided that we will form a study group. It always nice to know that u have support...especially since I dont think my teacher speaks veru good english. (This is a pet peeve of mine...while I think it is cool to meet people from other places..I think it is very difficult to learn a hard subject like finance management in broken english) Ne ways So Im off to marketing management now (i have a feeling this might be my fav class). After that I head to work...then go back to Iusb for one more class....Then I go to barnes and noble for tutoring ! This should be a interesting day. I hope everyone out there is having a good one!
XOXO
Moi

New Years

2006-01-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

OK I just have to say New Years Eve was a Blast!!! I got to hang out with some awesome people. We danced a little bit, talked,brought in the New Year by watching the ball drop together, played cards until 5:30 in the morning, and then went to church(Haha Me and Laura went in our PJ'S!). I just have to say that it was one of the best new years I have ever had! I had my best friends to bring in the New Year with it was great!

2005 A Year in Review

2005-12-28T19:34:00.000-08:00

Well after seeing everyone blogging about the past year I decided it would be a good idea for me to jump on the bandwagon. It has been quite the year for me....Although up until now I have been trying to press on and not think about the past. Last New Years Eve was spent with a few friends and some tequila. After becoming slightly intoxicated I decided it would be a good idea to call an ex boyfriend and wish him a happy new year. This simple drunk dial started a series of events....we started to talking...stuff happened...etc. After new years up until about May life got a little crazy. My father got engaged and was then married in April. I also had heavy load between school and work. Then came the month of May....I was shopping at Inspire Me to pick up a couple Juicy Couture sweatsuits before the Women's Retreat(Juicy is the best when you want to be comfy but chic!!) and I received a job offer. I had the weekend to make a decision. And what a weekend it was! The Women's Retreat is something that I look forward to every year. This year a lot of great relationships came out of it. I had come in contact with all of the girls before... but after the weekend was done I had made some really great friendships (Jeanna it all started at the campfire). I came back to reality on that Monday and made the decision to take the job at Inspire Me and leave the my four year adventure at the Buckle. Summer came with some major changes. I had several close friends leave, my step family moved in, started a small group with the girls from the retreat, and there was the famous BLOWUP with my ex. Although lots of stuff went on some awesome memories were made...Jeanna's Bday, Party at Laura's, Haci dancing, the beach, speedos, off roading....Just to name a few! Then school started back up and my life got a little hectic...my small group fell apart (despite efforts to keep it up)...my family life got a little rough...my relationship with God and friends got put on the back burner(between school and work there is no time). The semester was just kind of one big blur for me. Then I was on another shopping spree and received another job offer (as school was coming to a close). So I decided to leave my short experience at Inspire Me and go back to Buckle. Which leads me to where I am today. This year has been full of changes.... and challenges....gained relationships.....lost relationships....finding myself...finding my place...great parties...fabulous trips...weddings...great conversation...and lessons learned....we will see what 2006 brings............... <3 Moi ;)

A Little Sunday Night Humor

2005-12-18T19:32:00.000-08:00

A BLONDE GUY GETS HOME EARLY FROM WORK AND HEARS STRANGE NOISESCOMING FROM THE BEDROOM. HE RUSHES UPSTAIRS TO FIND HIS WIFE NAKEDON THE BED, SWEATING AND PANTING."WHAT'S UP?" HE SAYS."I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK," CRIES THE WOMAN.HE RUSHES DOWNSTAIRS TO GRAB THE PHONE, BUT JUST AS HE'S DIALING,HIS 4-YEAR-OLD SON COMES UP AND SAYS "DADDY! DADDY! UNCLE TED'S HIDINGIN YOUR CLOSET AND HE'S GOT NO CLOTHES ON!"THE GUY SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN, STORMS UPSTAIRS INTO THE BEDROOM, PASTHIS SCREAMING WIFE, AND RIPS OPEN THE WARDROBE DOOR. SURE ENOUGH, THERE ISHIS BROTHER, TOTALLY NAKED, COWERING ON THE CLOSET FLOOR."YOU ROTTEN S.O.B.," SAYS THE HUSBAND, "MY WIFE'S HAVING A HEARTATTACK AND YOU'RE RUNNING AROUND NAKED SCARING THE KIDS!" I got this from one of my coworkers I though it was friggen halrious and decided that others might feel the need to have a little laugh as well ...hehe

Wheeeww! Finals are over!

2005-12-17T21:44:00.000-08:00

I would just like to say thanks to all of u who were praying for me during finals....very much apperciated. I made it through them alive and thats all that matters. I def learned that a little bit of sleep and alot of coffee and praying gets u through hardcore finals. God was def on my side through them. Ne ways Im so excited that it is Christmas break. I get to work and hang out with friends yay!

Hell on earth ?

2005-12-13T07:16:00.000-08:00

This week could possibly be one of the most challenging weeks I have been through...possibly? It is a combination of things that brought me to my state of mind I am in today. I work fifty six hours this week...Yep I said it 56. I know some of you say Linds thats nothing. I also have finals. One of my finals determines whether or not I take all my next semester classes. Only one person may understand my next rant...but while I am throwing my self this pitty party I might as well include it......There is a game...Im not very good at this game. I have lost it several times. Im competitive so I hate to lose. Ne ways it is just a combination of things that are going on. I could possibly have a nervous breakdown. Therefore if you read this please pray for me if you get the chance...it would be very much apperciated. Thanks

2005-12-13T06:53:00.000-08:00

May the good lord be with you Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness Surround you when you’re far from home And may you grow to be proud Dignified and true And do unto others As you’d have done to you Be courageous and be brave And in my heart you’ll always stay Forever young, forever youngForever young, forever young May good fortune be with you May your guiding light be strong Build a stairway to heaven With a prince or a vagabond And may you never love in vain And in my heart you will remain Forever young, forever young Forever young, forever young Forever young Forever young And when you finally fly away I’ll be hoping that I served you well For all the wisdom of a lifetimeNo one can ever tell But whatever road you choose I’m right behind you, win or lose Forever young, forever young Forever young ,forever young Forever young, forever young For, forever young, forever young

What is the deal with People?

2005-12-06T09:07:00.000-08:00

SO I had to write one last paper in my religion and culture class. We had the whole semester to write this one because we had to attend three different church denominations other than our own. I went to a Catholic serivce, Mars Hill, and Nappanee Missionary. All were very different from each other, but each served its members well. I realized through all this that people need different churches. I love GCC it's the place for me! BUT its not for everyone. Just as these churches really didnt fit my personality but they worked for their congration. Now today was the day we turned in these papers and got to talk about our experiences. I was really excited to talk about what I had learned and all the cool things that happened and also so some stuff that I thought didnt work. After class I was totally sad and frustrated. People in my class totally just bashed other churches. Especially GCC and a couple other larger churches were targeted. They say that GCC is commercialized, its a big marketing scam, they disrespect God's house by having coffee and such....etc. One lady even said "I heard that they dont use the Bible, I mean no one ever brings the Bible to church" Most of my class time was spent trying to explain that we do have Bibles , we use them, we love Jesus, We love people, and thats why we do what we do. It totally was a negative experience. I really broke my heart that people just bash each others churches. Why do we do this? People have different needs. Jesus understood this. This has just been coming up so much lately. I will never comprehend why people focus so much on what others are doing. I mean I care about people that are close to me dont misundertand this. I just think that the Devil is putting this idea in people's heads that everyone should believe excatly the same thing. Now while some things are black and white....there is alot of gray area. And the gray area is up to that person and God. No need to judge one persons gray area becuase it is not the same as yours. Love each other! Each one of my friends is different and unique we all believe slightly different things on certain issues and that is why I love them and find them so interesting. Ok Im going to get off the soap box now. Everyone have a great day!!!

Count your Blessings

2005-12-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

Wow what a roller coaster ride these last few months have been.....I have had so many changes going on. During all these changes and trials I really started to get bitter, sad, angry.....etc. A few days ago I recieved a forward(usually I hate forwards and refuse to read them but this time I did and Im really glad) and at the beginning a good friend of mine talked about becoming judgemental and negative. After reading it I took a step back and took a look in the mirror. I realized that I had somehow taken some steps in the wrong direction. I was judging people and being negative because of all these thing that were happening around me. I was unhappy and I was going to take everyone else down with me. NE ways so after taking this "look in the mirror" I decided that I needed to point my feet in the right direction and take a different path (the I was on was obiviously not productive). So they have this cute little blessings jar at Inspire Me (my old place of employment) and I bought it. I decided that I would put in a blessing everyday to help me on my road to being more focused and positive. Ne ways the first night was rough. I refuse to do something if I dont believe it in my heart. I sat there that first night and was so bitter I didnt want to write ne thing down as a blessing because I really was starting to think that God screwed me over. (Now if u know me at all u know that I am a drama queen and will make somethings out to be a life and death matter..If Jeanna is reading this she is laughing and totally agreeing because I have told her many times that I think I am severely damaged from my upbring lol). Ne ways God finally just broke my heart because I really did want to write something I was just being stubborn. So the past few days I have wrote down blessings! It has been fabulous! People if you havent tried this I highly recommend you do. It helps to write it down and visually see it. I have been doing so much better. It helps me to be postive and focus on God. He has really been changing my heart. On another note I started back to the Buckle. I was seriously sick to my stomach about going back. I worked there for four years before I took a little 5 mo. break. I was worried I might have lost my skills. Friday was my first day back it went really well the team was asking me questions about presentations and product. I had some fabulous presentations myself. I think God is def doing some work in my professional life right now. Im excited to be back in my leadership postion and teaching people about fashion and sales...I have a good feeling about everything. I guess what I have learned from all this is that God is FAITHFUL. He doesnt give you anything you cant handle and He is a good God.

2005-11-28T16:09:00.000-08:00

D.H.T. - Listen To Your Heart - Featuri...
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Thinking Makes My Head Hurt!

2005-11-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

Ok so things are coming together with the family a little better now I am feeling fairly well about the whole situation. So thanks to everyone who is praying for me! Ok so lately I have been pondering some life changes. I have been offered my old job back....along with some new opportunities. The offer is great but it is very tough because I love the job I am at now. But with the Buckle it will be very easy to move up through the company. And Inspire Me is over after I finish college and there will be no opportunity to move myself on up. But I will have about two years of high end fashion experience after all is said and done. Which is a plus because alot of jobs in NY require experience in high end sales. Ne ways I have been praying and talking to some close friends. I think I have finally come to a decision which is a relief....But there is always that fear that comes with change. I love change and I hate change. Its difficult at the start but there is so much benefit to it. So that is a little update on me incase ne one was wondering lol. Now on to my next point. I was reading in my Philosophy book. Here is a quote that has made me really think or ponder. "the greatest griefs are those we cause oursleves" *Sopholces
Ok so i thought about this..can this be true to I bring on alot of the grief myself? I have been hurt by circumstances that are out of my control. I also cause alot of tension or damage just by being me lol. But here is how I look at this whether or not my grief is self imposed or out of my control....It is how I respond. I think that is what Sophocles was talking about in the quote. There will always be grief alot of it is out of our control but I you throw yourself a big pitty party then it sometimes makes things worse than they seem. I so this alot. I like to be dramatic about things. Like the time I was convinced that I need to see a therapist because I was severly damaged from my childhood. Now I dont think the situation is quite as bad as I potrayed it. Sometimes I hold onto grief, anger, frusteration, etc. I mean stuff happens and it hurts but sometimes you just have to put the situation in perspective and as Lori Salerino says"Get up, Get Over It, Move on" Ok thats all I have for you. Not very deep but it made me think anyways!?

Confessions of a Broken Heart

2005-11-10T20:56:00.000-08:00

OK so this is a song that is really resonating with me right now not just parts of the lyrics but also the emotion in Lindsay Lohan's voice when she sings the song. I really seem to relate to music when I cant describe exactly what I am feeling a song more than likely can. This song is just about a girl stuggling with family problems and well I have lots of family issues so the song is very appropriate for me. I wait for the postman to bring me a letterI wait for the good Lord to make me feel betterAnd I carry the weight of the world on my shouldersA family in crisis that only grows older
Why'd you have to goWhy'd you have to goWhy'd you have to go
Daughter to father, daughter to fatherI am broken but I am hopingDaughter to father, daughter to fatherI am crying, a part of me is dying andThese are, these areThe confessions of a broken heart
And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweaterI dream of another youThe one who would never (never)Leave me alone to pick up the piecesA daddy to hold me, that's what I needed
So why'd you have to goWhy'd you have to goWhy'd you have to go!!
Daughter to father, daughter to fatherI don't know you, but I still want toDaughter to father, daughter to fatherTell me the truth, did you ever love meCause these are, these areThe confessions of a broken heart
I love you,I love youI love youI....!!!!!I love you!!
Daughter to father, daughter to fatherI don't know you, but I still want toDaughter to father, daughter to fatherTell me the truth...Did you ever love me!!!?Did you ever love me?These are.....The confessions...of a broken heart
Ohhh....yeah
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter..

2005-11-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

I can remember as I child sitting outside my door on our balcony listening to my parents fight late at night when they thought I was asleep. I heard lots of things that I should have never heard..Sometimes Ignorance is bliss. That same scene reappeared for once again last night. I was lying down in my bed after having a lovely convo with my friend Jeanna, when I heard my stepmom screaming at my father...I was like what in the world..So I sat outside my bathroom door for about two hours listening to them fight. I sat there and so many painful memories surfaced. I heard my stepmom yell about me and my sis...our family ...our way of life..my father...She said alot of hurtful things to my father..he trys soo hard to make her happy(not to say he hasnt made mistakes because he has). I dont understand at all. At this point and time I am not sure what is going to happen...I can handle the fact the my parents couldnt work things out when I was a kid. But it really sucks when they are both stuggling in their second marriages. I seriously thought when my dad got remarried that this was his soul mate. Im not so sure...I feel as if she wants to give up(PS they have only been married a few months). In ways I blame my way of life...its extremely difficult for them to understand me I feel. Moving on....after I finally went back into my room I sat there and cried to God...I made a vow to God that I NEVER wanted to get married...I dont even know what a marriage is supposed to look like any more....Ne ways I have to go to work soo thats all for now...Im sure that there will be more to come...

Love is .....

2005-10-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Hey all I got this email from my lil sis. Im usually anti forwards ....but this one is pretty darn good. I hope everyone is having a fabulous day!
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint hertoenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, evenwhen his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. Youjust know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologneand they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your Frenchfries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sipbefore giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,you still want to be together and you talk more.My Mommy and Daddy are like that. Emily - age 8

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whoyou hate," Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears iteveryday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are stillfriends even after they know each other so well." Tammy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked atall the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her oldclothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little starscome out of you." Karen - age 7 (what a sweet visual image)

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it'sgross" Markus - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if youmean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

2005-10-24T21:09:00.000-07:00

Deep Thought

Relationships.....(Sigh)

2005-10-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

Relationships.......What else is there to say. LoL They can be the best thing and the worst. I have had a total of three. When it was good it was great ..when it was bad it made me want to shoot myself ( I wouldnt really do that tho). But through everything I learned something. I learned what I liked ...what I definately didnt like. Someone brought up the fact tonight that dating was like experimenting. In a werid sort of way I guess you could call it that. I think Laura said it best when she talked about the experimenting just becoming "having fun". I think thats sort of true. I have had three realtionships and after the third I now know exactly what I want. I dont see the need to do ne more experimenting. Some people it takes longer or shorter everyones different. The other thing we talked about it is the fact that it is biblically stated that men and women will never come to a complete understanding of each other. I totally agree! lol I will never come to a complete understanding of men...and I know Im complicated sometimes I dont even understand what in the world Im doing lol. But think thats how it is with relationships in general. There are times when I dont understand my best friend. Take Jeanna for example... I cant grasp her deep love for children ..God didnt wire me up that way. God wired us each so different. Thats why relationships can be so exciting ..you get know how that other person works and their thoughts. I think in any kind of reltionship you have to keep getting to know a person. You will never stop learning things about them. Cause people go through changes. Just as it is with God I am still learning about God and I will till I die. Ok well i guess thats all I have for right now! ........God is good!

My very first post!

2005-10-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

Helllooo all! Yay its my very first post on eblogger. I'm really stoked! This whole blogging thing is a lot of fun to me. I can kinda of give people a little bit of glimpse into what goes on inside this head of mine (as scary as that may be). Ok so Why is my blog called day in the life of a fashionista...Because I am a true Fashionista. I love fashion. Clothes are like wearable art! Its so fun. Other people express themselves through music, painting, drama, etc. Whereas I express myself through what I wear. I also like to write to get my thoughts and feelings out.

"Welcome to the world of four-inch heels, four-ply cashmere, and four-dollar vintage dresses. Fashionistas will do anything to score the latest, the most obscure, the most absurd, the right-off-the runway, the trendiest, the most expensive, the least expensive, the showstopper, the uniform, the marabou, the canvas, the nylon, the silk. the leather, the suede, the velvet, the tweed, the transparent, the ostrich feathers. ....Some of you may scoff-huh, fashion is just so superficial. WE have to say, it is. But also isnt. fashion is a part of life, something that we need to protect our bodies from the cold and radical agents that pollute the air. It is also a form of art, slef expression, and a representaiton of more emotional roots. Fashion evokes a mental response from its appreciators. It can make us weep and make us feel empowered all at once. It inspires thought, ideas, and creativtity, and whether you shop at Walmart or Chanel, chances are we've all dealt with the same issues, moments, joys, and furstrations over fashion. Fashion. It does a life some good!" by Karen Robinovitz "Fashionista Files"